@wonderful1x1: Now I'm/we're thinking about cheese! Mmm, cheeeeese. <3
@Anonymous: I have a lot of feels. First off, I would try to think about what makes you uncomfortable. I think it's really valuable to spend some time thinking about why you feel that way, cuz sometimes you feel uncomfy for legit reasons, and sometimes it's just your issues. I get squirrelly when Mr Nerdimus makes new friends who are ladies, but usually, that's my own thing with feeling bad about myself. Once I see them together, I feel pretty relieved. I would guess that you know pretty well by watching your guy interact with a lady whether or not he's interested. That being said, like Snowbunny, I have a lot of friends who are guys, and I talk with them about normal friendship stuff. I would stay away from asking about "do you like..." things, because I feel that crosses a line, but we definitely do share funny stories that involve sex or whatever, or just talking about normal shit that everyone does. In fact, I have a very, very good friend who happens to be a guy, who has the same mental issues as I do, and we talked the other day about sex drive/meds stuff, and I can't tell you how TOTALLY not sexy/flirty it was. Our relationship is platonic, so it's NBD to talk about that stuff. I mean, would you not talk about sex stuff if you had a good friend who was a lesbian? I would also say that I think taking him bikini shopping is a HUGE big deal breaker/red flag, but mentioning that she couldn't find the thing she wanted at a store she went to? I dunno, that seems like normal shit to me. I would for sure feel weird if some guy I was dating told me that I can't ever mention swimsuits or underpants or bras or even shorts to any dude ever, because it would be "inappropriate". I hate the idea that women talking about ANYTHING VAGUELY RELATED to their bodies is somehow "manipulating dudes to think about them sexually" (hey women perpetuating sexism, hey). I think it also implies that men are wild animals that simply CANNOT HELP but think of their friends in a sexual manner, which is wildly offensive/sexist. If that's true of your boyfriend, you should definitely not be with him, because that is a sexist douche move. If you are having some rape culture-induced ideas about how men and women "are", maybe take some time to think about the problems with that thinking. Also, ask for reassurance. Tell your guy that you feel a little uncomfortable and that you want to know FOR SURE that there is no feelings whatsoever between them. If he's on the up-and-up, it should be no problem for him to give you the reassurance you need
@Sabriel: I would take one (or half of one) some night when you don't have anything to do as a "trial run". I have a prescription for it for panic attacks, but I hate taking it because it makes me SO SLEEPY. So much so that sometimes I take it if I'm having trouble falling asleep. Everyone is different, of course, but I'd give it a trial run, so you know what to expect. And it does make the effects of booze stronger, so be aware of that, especially since you're already sensitive to booze.
@1girl is Captain Buzzkill: Ooh, girl, I'm the same way. I recently realized (read:admitted to myself) that hanging out with people, no matter how much I like them is exhausting for me. I partially feel bad because I avoid hanging out with people, but I also really, really like being alone/just with Mr Nerdimus. TL;DR I know that hermit feel, bro
@Ri L.: Duchess Gummybuns: Ugh, oh god, that sounds horrible. Even if you aren't ready to completely cut them out, I think it would do a lot of good to stick up for Mr L when she's like that. I'm sure it's extra difficult for him to hear those things from someone who is not his family, and it would probably do him a lot of good to know that you are on his side, and that you guys are first and foremost, a partnership. Since it's your family, the burden unfortunately falls on you to be like, "this is not ok, you do NOT treat Mr L like that".
As for getting over it, there's no time table for dealing with emotional trauma. Take it at your own pace, there's no need to feel like you should rush yourself. I think this instance brought to light how awful your mother is to you, and sometimes that one thing you're dealing with isn't just one thing, it's dug up your whole history of being treated like this, and put it right in front of your face. That's a big thing to deal with. That's just awful, I'm so sorry
@Ri L.: Duchess Gummybuns: Wow. This hits really close to home. I had a very similar thing happen with my mother a few years ago. For me, personally, I took a lot of shit from her for a long time, but once she lashed out on Mr Nerdimus, I cut her out. I agree with Meganquita, you don't owe your mother or your family anything. Sometimes, I find it easiest to think of the situation in a different context. If you had an friend be abusive like that and try to pressure you into having children when it's clear you don't want to, or lash out at you and Mr L, it would be a quick decision. I totally understand the feeling of owing your mother, especially if she's like mine (and it sounds like she is), and raised you with the feeling that she did you a massive favor by birthing you that can never be repaid. You don't owe her anything. I chose to completely sever my ties to my mother, because I am the type that takes a hard line with these things. My brothers have taken a step back, and talk to her once or twice a year, which works for them. Either way, we all feel much better and safer than when we were talking to her out of guilt, and left every conversation feeling stressed and emotionally drained.
I am also the "you choose your family" type. For me, Mr Nerdimus and a few others are my "family" and that is super important to me. My mother seemed to think that she had ownership of me and could treat me however she wanted. I guess she also decided that she owned Mr Nerdimus in that same way, and seeing her act that way to him was infuriating to me, and made me feel like she didn't respect my relationship or my family, which she didn't. I think it's totally reasonable to cut out someone who is that toxic, even if they gave birth to you. Obviously, only you can decide what's right for you, but don't make that decision because of years of abuse and guilt. Hugs, lady, I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you ever need to talk about stuff, FB me. It sounds like our moms are eerily similar
@Untamable_Kate: I got really angry when people who lived like, 35 miles away were posting shit like "OMG IT WAS SO CLOSE TO ME!" and the news was the worst, because they were focusing on all the rich people who frequent it, and there was zero info on the kitchen/waitstaff. Sorry. I'm not trying to make this about my shit, I just hope you can heal without everyone all up in your (social media) face about that stuff. rambleramble. Take care of yourself. Let me know if you need anything
@Untamable_Kate: Oof, I'm sorry. I'm glad he's mostly ok. My only advice from my not-at-all-the-same thingie is to stay off facebook and other social media sites. The gossip mongering and "jokes" and disaster porn statuses and shit made me super ragey and frustrated and feel all the feels.